There are things that every guy knows must stop once his girlfriend gets a key and, eventually drawer or closet space. Farts are to be stifled instead of rated on a sound or potency scale. Porn can no longer sit brazenly atop the DVD player, but nestled deep in the sock drawer. And that toilet seat must go down. These are things guys have to get used to as relationships progress.

There are also the idiosyncrasies we are willing to change for that special someone. Whenever she starts a sentence with “Honey, could you please,” it is less likely to end with take me on the bearskin rug and more often going to end with a request to end one of those practices that gets under her skin.  I’ve gotten used to apologizing once I hear those first four words before she finishes…until recently.

While watching a basketball game one evening, enjoying a little snack on the couch, my wonderful girlfriend asked me if I could please eat breakfast only during breakfast. I was genuinely confused until I realized she had taken offense to my ritual of eating Frosted Flakes or Wheaties whenever I watched sports at home, no matter the time of day. I also ate cereal as a quick late-night snack. I had done that since I was a child and didn’t understand how that could possibly affect her.

Her explanation was the typical girlfriend response that often reminds me of one of those Good Will Hunting equations that has the appearance of logic and sounds smart, but I have no clue what the hell it’s all about.

“You’re a grown man,” she said which struck me as an odd stance, considering that was exactly what I was thinking. I’m a grown man who has done what his parents wanted and what his boss wants, so at home, I get to do what I want, more or less. Yet with a girlfriend around, it seems to be more of less.  

I don’t place all the blame on my wonderful girlfriend. For about fifteen years people have been able to make successful livings and even become millionaires in unconventional ways. The old family model has been blown to bits, but we still insist on dictating our lives based on tradition. There is a difference between being childish and child-like. At worse, it falls in the latter category. At best, it’s merely an activity that in no way speaks to character or maturity.
To my surprise, my wonderful girlfriend was more impressed that I finally stood up for myself and stopped acquiescing to her every complaint.  Did I mention that my girlfriend was wonderful? So  now, I can have cereal whenever I want, but I still have to relegate my flatulence to the bathroom.

by Joel Sherman